Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 
:iconazimuthdragon:

Author's Comments

No comment.

Critiques


:iconpyroziggy:
Very short, however very powerful. I like it, but there are a few words that seem a bit akward after I re-read it. "and the ground" I feel like it would be a bit better if it was just "ground". The "the" seems unnecisarry. But other than that I really like it. I'm surprised it hasn't had many comments yet. I'm not going to lie and say it's the most amazing poem ever, but i do truly like it. Shorter, more to the point things appeal to me more than ones that are long, but redundant. Good work, great job.
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

Thank you for your Critique

You are not logged in.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:icondagonwarrior:
hmm its short but full of meaning i dont know if i like it or not.

--
my life is not what anyone else wants it to be i make the rules and i state the possibilities if anyone has a problem with that they kan kiss my @$$!
i has a bunny now see ^^ my emoto san gave him to me
(\_/)
( 'w' )
c(")(")
:iconliduen-kvaedhi:
I am going to have to disagree with the critique, it's sweet, but not sweet enough for it to be short, if you get what I mean. Perhaps expand it?

--
#WLC
#WeEmote
#dAmnEpic

<3<3<3<3
:iconazimuthdragon:
Sweet? It's supposed to be sad, not sweet.

--
Founder of #Photo-Manipulations
Member of #Apophysis!

Stalking =Neltruin's profile since 2210.
:iconliduen-kvaedhi:
Exactly my point, hence the bad critique.

--
#WLC
#WeEmote
#dAmnEpic

<3<3<3<3
Hidden by Owner
:iconazimuthdragon:
what the hell are you talking about? There's no mention of sweet in the critique and it's not supposed to be

--
Founder of #Photo-Manipulations
Member of #Apophysis!

Stalking =Neltruin's profile since 2210.
:iconfriesaregood:
(please don't hate me for this, the defeatedness of your poem made me sad so I had to combat the sadness. hyah! *does awesome karate kick thing only seen in movies*)

Yet all around us, joy abounds
Faith hope and love, and merriment sounds

For as long as cries and tears are cast
By laughter and smiles they'll be surpassed



I like it a lot! The imagery is wonderful and you conveyed the feeling of defeat quite well. The rhythm is a bit awkward, and it took me a few tries to be able to say it all without stumbling over that. My guess is that you weren't trying for a steady rhythm, in which case it doesn't much matter, but still, it's something to keep in mind. Hmm, what else? Oh yes! Short and sweet, I like that. And no wasted words. So overall, great poem, me likey. xD

--
"We all can be only who we are, no more, no less." Terry Goodkind
:iconliduen-kvaedhi:
It said short and sweet?

--
#WLC
#WeEmote
#dAmnEpic

<3<3<3<3
:iconazimuthdragon:
I don't think so. She said something about short and to the point, not short and sweet.

--
Founder of #Photo-Manipulations
Member of #Apophysis!

Stalking =Neltruin's profile since 2210.

Details

April 27
249 bytes

Statistics

11
3 [who?]
58 (0 today)
3 (0 today)

Site Map