The winds of life bash us around
Shatter us on rocks and ground.
The endless mayhem and sorrow last
For what seems forever, and never past.
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Comments
 hmm its short but full of meaning i dont know if i like it or not.
-- my life is not what anyone else wants it to be i make the rules and i state the possibilities if anyone has a problem with that they kan kiss my @$$! i has a bunny now see ^^ my emoto san gave him to me (\_/) ( 'w' ) c(")(") Sweet? It's supposed to be sad, not sweet.
-- Founder of #Photo-Manipulations Member of #Apophysis! Stalking =Neltruin's profile since 2210. Hidden by Owner what the hell are you talking about? There's no mention of sweet in the critique and it's not supposed to be
-- Founder of #Photo-Manipulations Member of #Apophysis! Stalking =Neltruin's profile since 2210.  (please don't hate me for this, the defeatedness of your poem made me sad so I had to combat the sadness. hyah! *does awesome karate kick thing only seen in movies*)
Yet all around us, joy abounds Faith hope and love, and merriment sounds For as long as cries and tears are cast By laughter and smiles they'll be surpassed I like it a lot! The imagery is wonderful and you conveyed the feeling of defeat quite well. The rhythm is a bit awkward, and it took me a few tries to be able to say it all without stumbling over that. My guess is that you weren't trying for a steady rhythm, in which case it doesn't much matter, but still, it's something to keep in mind. Hmm, what else? Oh yes! Short and sweet, I like that. And no wasted words. So overall, great poem, me likey. xD -- "We all can be only who we are, no more, no less." Terry Goodkind I don't think so. She said something about short and to the point, not short and sweet.
-- Founder of #Photo-Manipulations Member of #Apophysis! Stalking =Neltruin's profile since 2210. |
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